It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
