I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
