She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
