im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
