I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
