take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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