I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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