and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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