Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Banned from zoo.
Again?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
