I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
