All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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