plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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