all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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