Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
