As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
