So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
