Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
