You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
