do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So vagazzling was a success
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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