Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
