I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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