i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
