I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Drunk is not a location!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
