Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
