we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
