Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
