physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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