I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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