I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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