my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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