just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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