Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
