I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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