Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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