she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
