Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
