I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
