the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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