He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
