is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
