I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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