OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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