In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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