I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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