i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
