just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
