we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
