Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
