Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
