I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
