At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize