Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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