his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
