if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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