I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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