I want to stick my p in your. b.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
