I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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