im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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