is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He called his prostate his "boner button".
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
