I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
