I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
