It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
