what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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