benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
