Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
