I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
