she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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