Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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