so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I didn't notice because vodka
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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