No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
