I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize