I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
