We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We need to rekindle our bromance
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
