i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
