the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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