DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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