I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
