Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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