She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think my moral compass just broke
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