it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
